Do Apes kiss?
Yes, but never on the first date!

Do you know a favorite expression used by the Gorillas?
Apes daisy!

Gorilla: I'm feeling terrible, Doctor. I keep thinking I'm a Great Dane.
Doctor: As your psychiatrist, I can tell you it's better if you go bananas. But how long have you been feeling this way?
Gorilla: Since I was a puppy!

How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper?
The elevator was broken!

How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge?
He had seen a sign saying, 'Uncle Simian Wants You!'

How did Bushman want to celebrate New Year's Eve?
By painting the town dead!

How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar?
She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'

How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest?
She was the beast of the show!

How did the dog warn its master that a Gorilla was approaching?
He barked g-r-r-r-illa!

How did the Gorilla attack the obscene telephone caller?
He made a mistake and dialed a prayer!

How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm?
They'll both bite at anything!

How do we know that Tarzan was religious?
He was a man of the (lion) cloth!

How do you fit six Apes into a sports car?
Two in the front, two in the back, and two in the glove compartment!

How do you make a Gorilla float?
Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla!

How do you make a Gorilla laugh?
Tell it an elephant joke!

How do you make a Gorilla stew?
You keep it waiting for three hours!

How do you make a green Gorilla?
Cross a blue gorilla with a yellow one!

How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae?
Your start getting it ready Friday and Saturday!

How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?
Hold up your arm and say 'Go back, you didn't say 'May I?''

How do you stop an Ape from charging?
Take away its credit cards!

What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?
Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you'd listen!

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?
You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes?
A banana split!

What is Mighty Joe Young's favorite breakfast?
Ape Nuts!

What is the Ape monster's name?
Godzilla Gorilla!

What political party entices most Gorillas?
The Tree publican Party!

What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?
It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

What's black, brown and white, black, brown and white, brown and white, etc.?
A Gorilla riding down a snow bank!

What's black, hairy and swims in the sea?
Moby Ape!

What's black, hairy, and writes under water?
A ballpoint gorilla!

Which author do the Gorillas love most?
Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'

Which Baskin-Robbins ice cream flavor goes over best in the jungle?
Gorilla Vanilla!

Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush?
The Naked Ape!

Which Broadway play brought the primates to tears in the 1920's?
Ape-y's Irish Rose!

Which Christmas song do Tarzan, Jane, Boy and Cheetah like best?
Jungle Bells!

Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed by a Gorilla jumping off a tall building?
Fall-adelphia!

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?
An ape-ricot sour!

Which is the favorite Gorilla proverb?
A fiend in need is a fiend indeed!

Which modern author is a favorite with the primates?
Gor-illa Vidal!

Which operetta makes the Gorilla crack up?
Nutty Marietta!

Why did the Gorilla fail English?
He had little Ape-titude!

Why did the Gorilla visit Italy?
An advertisement's headline enticed him - See Ape-les and die!

Why did the simian refuse to play in the National Football League?
He was drafted by Detroit - and Gorillas hate lions!

Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings?
The elevator men are on strike!

Why do Apes like tall buildings?
They want to climb the heights of the business world!

Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighborhoods?
They like any jungle - even a blackboard jungle!

Why do primates do so well in show biz?
Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!

Why do the Gorillas like Jimmy Carter?
They don't really know - but they're NUTS about him!

Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies?
Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter, there's a Gorilla in my soup!'

Why should you always refuse to lend Ape money?
It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!