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At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul.

The Israeli Consul began, "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay an old story to all of you...

When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies, and even more deserts... The people became thirsty and needed water.

So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen... And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes."

Yassir Arafat, hearing this accusation, jumps out of his seat and screams, "This is a travesty...It's a lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!"

"And in agreement with Chairman Arafat," said the Israeli Consul, "let me begin my speech..."


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The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India. Better beware of them. 

P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:
 First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before executing any instruction, it deliberates over it a number of times and finally does nothing.  
 
 V.P. Singh Virus:  This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them only according to the  quota. Needless to say, the least used instructions have a higher quota than the more used  instructions.  This virus is also known as social justice virus.  Sukh Ram Virus:  This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and then executes them.
 Maneka Gandhi Virus:
 This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were written by  vegetarians or animals.

 L.K. Advani Virus:
 This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.

 K.P.S. Gill Virus:  Only ladies need to worry about this virus. Every now and then the users get a whack,  you know where.

 Phoolan Devi Virus:  This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page faults for them.  At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s birthday.

 Deve Gowda Virus:  The main characteristic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all the processes at  the same time. This virus services the entire request for resources, and allocates them  irrespective of whether they are available or not.

 Jayalalitha Virus:  This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus family grab as much of hard disk space as possible, while the main virus is totally unaware of it. When everything  stops working, this virus blames the user for the whole chaos.

 I.K.Gujral Virus:  Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the approval of 18 other  viruses and most of the time, one of the virus's blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus  most of the time does not execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always,  this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all major/minor countries in  the World except India w/o receiving the replies.

 Veerappan virus:  This virus plays hide and seek. It captures some resources and releases them after sometime.  It sometimes seems to be eradicated but suddenly reappears.

 Laloo Yadav virus:  A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the data. If you try to  use scanner, during hibernation, it will rename its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.

 Mulayam Virus:  Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system; its only task is to abort BJP  processes. This virus hangs the system by sending conflicting signals to different hardware  units.

 Sonia Gandhi Virus:  Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can detect now, how much  damage it can cause to the system, but people use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.

 Kashi-Maya Virus:  It's also called the Dalit virus it destabilizes the co-ordination amongst different resources;  It controls & steps the low priority resources from functioning. To kill a lot of scanners are available now. Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.